Count to ten Waddy,….very…..slowly..then…..take a deep breath………
The place – Newark Show Ground
The date – Friday 26th. June 2009
The time – 9.00am
The event – BKKS National Koi show 2009
The stalwarts were getting on with what they needed to do; everyone had a grin on their faces as the centre ring finally came together after four days of hard labour. The weather was perfect as Hilary & myself started to set up a small table for our wares. The two dogs sniffed around at their new surroundings and by 10.00am we were ready to go. The entrants to the show started to bring their precious cargos around mid-day and the benching teams assisted them to get them into their respective ponds. Soon afterwards the computer people started logging in the entries and printing out the photographs. This continued throughout the day whilst we enjoyed the sunshine and the Koi talk. I waited until around 8.30pm when all the Koi had been entered and many had left the showground area to get some well-deserved rest. The light was near perfect and so I grabbed a camera and a notebook/pen and headed towards the centre ring as usual to ‘judge Koi 2009’ and give my own verdicts to myself. I reckon it took around 15 minutes for the first ‘pass’ and I had around 10 ponds numbered in my book. I didn’t have to look over shoulders of others – there were no others. I did a second ‘pass’ in 5 minutes and then returned to the magic 10 ponds for closer inspections of the Koi entered.
I suppose there were 12 Koi entered the likes of which could never be found in a 14 day intensive trip to Yamakoshi at the best time of the year. In short, they were ‘world- class Koi’ and a joy to behold. I knew the majority of these beauties and studied them closely before coming up with ‘Waddy’s short lists’ in order to get to the best single Koi in the show.
Now, please let me digress, because the next text is purely personal to me and has nothing to do with Koi but it does have something to do with what happened next on that deserted showground.
1. I have never worn a pair of trainers in my life nor will I ever unless I plan in future years to take part in an Olympic Marathon in the UK team – the chances of this are a little unlikely at 65 years old. Furthermore I think they look very silly on non-marathon people – but that’s only a personal viewpoint.
2. In the late1980’s, I noticed on my travels around the world that many human beings had decided that, in order to face their days in the wide world, they needed a vital piece of equipment and they needed to be seen with it. This life-giving equipment was a small bottle of water with a label on it. They would pause along the way, take a sip, carefully replace the cap and then hold it aloft in one hand just to let us all know their importance and standing in the human chain. I have never once felt the need for this prop but, again, that’s only personal.
3. I don’t know when baseball caps ventured outside of baseball stadiums but they did – Oh yes, they did! People wear them all over the world today, snowboarders, rollerbladers and skateboarders wear them to one side but I’m not sure which side represents which pastime. Photographers wear them back to front to allow good visibility when taking shots. Elderly ladies and gentlemen wear them on holidays and cruises and younger folk wear them as evening attire – sportsmen and others also wear them. Again, only a personal viewpoint but I’d rather have my nostrils pierced than be seen in one of these creations.
4. The last one relates to people standing anywhere and everywhere at any time of day or night and they hold something very special in front of them and gaze at it for hours on end. Their faces are fixed with concentration as they push button after button after button on these tiny boxes. These boxes rule their lives and they can do just about everything that is possibly required. They can send text messages, play music, access the internet, they take photographs and video footage, they can send pictures and some have ‘satnav’ built in to ensure you never get lost. I’ve also heard that some of these special boxes even allow you to make telephone calls. Not wishing to be outdone here I have my very own box, it sits permanently inside the special compartment in my car and is hidden from sight. It only works when I’m driving and, if it is ever needed (rarely), I can receive and make telephone calls but I never carry one in my pocket 24/7 – again, a personal thing.
And now, to the relevance of these four ‘personal things’ on that night at Newark. I was studying one particular Koi when a loud voice came from behind me and I heard every single word:-
‘Yeah, it’s OK mate but……yeah there’s a lot of sixes, quite a few sevens and one or two eights – big buggers………..but…….yeah, well…..they’re OK but…….y’know…..like last year with one or two I’ve not seen before……weather’s fine…some dealers setting up……………not seen one big Sorrygoy for sale yet………yeah, well the eights are bloody big…………no, don’t think it’s worth your while coming up…..get some gardening done…….if I see any cheap food I’ll get it for you……see ya’ mate’
The voice stopped and I glanced over my shoulder to see him wandering away fully convinced that if there was anyone in this country who ‘knew Koi’ – it was him, he was a tall guy – over six feet and, believe me, he had it ALL, the WORKS - and more!
White and red trainers, black socks, shorts (I didn’t mention them before but they do look ridiculous unless you are under 14 years old), baseball cap the right way round, a bottle of water in his free hand and one of those boxes in the other – the epitome of taste and perfect presentation!
Furthermore, he’d weighed up the show in a few mere seconds and convinced his mate it was not worth the diesel and entry fee to get off his backside and make the journey.
He KNEW Koi, he was an expert with anything at all to do with Koi and he’d successfully by-passed all the jargon surrounding them. As a result, the truly wonderful Matsui sansai Kohaku became a ‘SIX’; a superb SFF-bred Sanke became a ‘SEVEN’ and an incredible-bodied Kohaku from Toshio Sakai became an ‘EIGHT’. I don’t know for sure, but I’ll bet you he called a Chagoi a ‘CHAG’ – I bet he even ‘Grows his Koi ON’!
It got worse, late Sunday evening I switched on my computer and checked out the Koi websites to see the opinion of the people who visited the same event and we had posts such as:-
‘£3.50 for a toastie? – come on, rip-off!’
‘It’s not exactly cheap to get in.’
‘How much did you say they want for a pint of beer’!!!!!!!!!!
‘Loads of stuff for sale but you can get them on-line much cheaper.’
And on and on and on but little reference to the actual Koi……….
Look, if you want cheap beer buy it at Tesco; if you want cheap food make mountains of it yourself at home and put it in a plastic box…..it’s got nothing at all to do with KOI!
I waited a few days and wrote this after reflecting on the other guys who attended this wonderful event – the real Koi enthusiasts who made the journey from all parts of the UK; the Koi dealers – some of the biggest Koi fanatics; the guys setting up and breaking down the show who gave their week for free; the benching teams; the results teams; the water people; the judges and the very special owners who gave us the privilege of seeing their very special Koi – for only two days in ONE year!
Then I counted to ten – very slowly.
Nothing to do with ‘Koi 2009’ but some days earlier I was on a fjiord in Norway on the way to give a Koi lecture. The boat was large and it moved quickly through some of the most incredible scenery I have ever seen. The boat had a restaurant and coffee shop and the weather was perfect. I looked around to see if there was anywhere I could light up a cigarette and one of the crew pointed me upstairs to the top deck and said it was fine there. It should have been OK - there was 240,000 miles of clear blue sky above me before I reached the moon and there was a gentle, cool breeze blowing over us, add to that the scenery and what more could one possibly want? I stood against the handrail and lit my cigarette.
Within a few seconds I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see a man and a woman with abject horror on their faces with wide eyes staring in disbelief at the white tube in my hand. The man pointed at it and said, in an American accent – ‘Are you crazy? - get that damn thing away from us’!
Thankfully, the short two words I replied with very slowly and very clearly mean exactly the same in English and American and they dutifully did as requested, in silence, after checking the deck for precious red and white signs that were not present. They walked down two flights of stairs into the non-smoking area and then to the rear of the boat. They stayed there for the entire journey taking in the heady fumes from the four huge diesel turboprop engines that powered us along.
It’s strange, but he had a baseball cap and she clutched a bottle of water!
Rant over, Waddy 2009.
PS. ‘Waddy’s judging of the show’ was wrong yet again – no change there!
Here’s the one that took the hallowed award,
‘Matsunosuke’ Sanke purchased from Torazo in Uragara village.
Owned by Bill Oakley.
